Marriage and the family

How are they responsibly realised in marriage and family?

What are the characteristics of human paternity-maternity?

Human procreation:

Is an essential end of marriage between a man and a woman. In fact conjugal love by its very nature aims at being fecund. The conjugal act has a double meaning: the unitive meaning (the total and definitive self-giving of couples to one another) and the procreative meaning (the gift of life to a new human being).

* Eminently reveals the dignity of a human being, who is called to interpret the bounty and fecundity that descends from God and continuously expands and enriches the human family through them.

* Though biologically similar to the generation of other beings in nature, bears in itself, in an essential and exclusive manner, a resemblance with God: it is a peculiar form of a special participation of couples with the creative work of God. ''Parents should regard as their proper mission the task of transmitting human life and educating those to whom it has been transmitted. They should realise that they are thereby cooperators with the love of God the Creator, and are, so to speak, the interpreters of that love'' (Vatican Council II, Gaudium et spes, 50).

* Expresses the social subjectivity of the family and sets into motion a dynamism of love and solidarity among generations, which forms the basis of society, thereby contributing towards the communion of generations.

* Represents not only a task which is simply physical in nature, but spiritual as well: in fact, through it, passes the genealogy of a person, who has his eternal beginning in God and to Whom he must return.

* Is the fruit of conjugal love (the total, definitive and exclusive reciprocal self-giving between man and woman), which reflects the gift of love among the three Divine Persons that becomes fecund in creation, and the gift of Christ to his Church which becomes fecund in the rebirth of man, in Christ, through Baptism.

How does conjugal fecundity express itself?

It expresses and realises itself in a complementary manner, at the level of:

* Couples (interpersonal fecundity): day after day, spouses deepen their own as well as mutual knowledge, respect and love for one another, their own human and Christian growth.

* Physical-biological generation: a child is an extremely precious gift of marriage.

* Educative service (educative fecundity): through the education of their children, parents, as the first and main persons responsible for such an education (though not the only ones), transmit the fruits of their moral, spiritual and supernatural life.

* Human community (social fecundity): help to the community in various forms of voluntary services.

* The ecclesial community (apostolic fecundity): commitment to witness and provide service in and to the Christian community.

How is responsibility in paternity-maternity realised?

It is realised:

• Either with the carefully considered and generous deliberation to bring forth a large family, or
• With a decision, taken on account of serious motives and in respect of moral law, to avoid temporarily or even for an undetermined period of time, a new birth.

In both cases, Christian spouses should ask themselves a fundamental question: Does our decision to give or not to give life to a new creature correspond to the will of God? What does God want from us in this regard and at this moment?

How should a child be considered?

A child is:

* A human being, created in the image and likeness of God.

* A gift, the greatest gift of marriage:

* Gift of themselves, on the part of parents, to a new human being, fruit of their total and definitive mutual self-giving.

* Gift of oneself, on the part of the child, to one's brothers, sisters, parents, and the entire family. The child's life becomes a gift to the same givers of life

* A living reflection and a permanent sign of conjugal love and unity.

Is there a right to a child?

There is no right to a child: in this case, the child would be considered as an object of property. Instead, there is the right of a child to be the fruit of a specific act of conjugal love of his parents, as well as his right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception.

What should spouses take into consideration in responsibly realising their paternity-maternity?

Spouses should take into consideration:

• Their own human condition (physical, affective, spiritual, economic).

Children already born or who are to be born.

• Their own family.
• The society.
• A positive vision of life and an attitude of openness and service to it, even when, on account of serious reasons and in respect of moral law, they choose to temporarily, or for an indefinite period, avoid a new birth.
• Divine Providence.
• The living conditions of their time, in their material as well as spiritual aspect.
• The scale of values as well as the good of the family community, earthly society and the Church.

Therefore, their decision should not be the result of egoism, nor should it be conditioned by external persons, not even by public authorities.

What are the means for realising responsible procreation?

The following should be rejected as morally unlawful:

• Abortion which is an abominable crime.
• Direct sterilisation.
• Contraceptive means in their various forms: similarly excluded as intrinsically bad ''is any action which either before, at the moment of, or after sexual intercourse, is specifically intended to prevent procreation - whether as an end or as a means'' (Paul VI, Humanae vitae, 14).

The following are morally acceptable:

• Periodic continence.
• Recourse to infertile periods of the wife for fulfilling the conjugal act.

What is the moral difference between lawful and unlawful means?

''In reality, these two cases are completely different. In the former, the married couple rightly use a faculty provided to them by nature. In the latter, they obstruct the natural development of the generative process. It cannot be denied that in each case the married couple, for acceptable reasons, are both perfectly clear in their intention to avoid children and wish to make sure that none will result. But it is equally true that it is exclusively in the former case that husband and wife are ready to abstain from intercourse during the fertile period as often as for reasonable motives the birth of another child is not desirable. And when the infertile period recurs, they use their married intimacy to express their mutual love and safeguard their fidelity toward one another. In doing this, they certainly give proof of a true and authentic love'' (Paul VI, Humanae vitae, 16).

Why is contraception unlawful?

• It is unlawful because, through contraception, spouses split the two meanings which God inscribed in the being of man and woman and in the dynamism of their sexual communion: the unitive and the procreative meanings. In this way, ''they act as 'arbitrators' of the divine plan and they 'manipulate' and degrade human sexuality - and with it themselves and their married partner - by altering its value of ''total'' self-giving.

Thus, the innate language that expresses the total reciprocal self-giving of husband and wife is overlaid, through contraception, by an objectively contradictory language, namely, that of not giving oneself totally to the other. This leads not only to a positive refusal to be open to life, but also to a falsification of the inner truth of conjugal love, which is called upon to give itself in personal totality'' (John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, 32).

• Contraception, like abortion, takes its roots in a hedonistic mentality, instils irresponsible sexuality and proposes an egoistic concept of freedom which sees in procreation, an obstacle to disclose one's personality.

What are the grave consequences of artificial birth control?

Here are some of the grave consequences which Paul VI indicates in Humanae Vitae, 17:

* ''Let them first consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings - and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation - need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law.

* Another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.

* Finally, careful consideration should be given to the danger of this power passing into the hands of those public authorities who care little for the precepts of the moral law. Who will blame a government which in its attempt to resolve the problems affecting an entire country resorts to the same measures as are regarded as lawful by married people in the solution of a particular family difficulty? Who will prevent public authorities from favouring those contraceptive methods which they consider more effective?''

What is periodic continence?

It is the abstention of conjugal relationships during the female fertile periods. Such abstention, in these situations and for a certain time, besides avoiding procreation, could also:

* Be an authentic sign of love, attention and respect for the other.

* Carry out a preparatory function, by providing good training for the acquisition of matrimonial chastity and respect of conjugal fertility, even during periods of temporary and/or prolonged absence of the spouse, or during moments of unavailability or sickness of one of them.

* Offer a therapeutic service, in so far as it can offer valid help towards living the conjugal act with greater dedication and intensity of love. The waiting can increase, purify and perfect the desire of mutual self-giving and develop an honest and chaste affective conjugal gesture.

* Promote self-knowledge and self-control in the spouses: ''Self-discipline of this kind is a shining witness to the chastity of husband and wife and, far from being a hindrance to their love for one another, transforms it by giving it a more truly human character. And if this self-discipline does demand that they persevere in their purpose and efforts, it has at the same time the salutary effect of enabling husband and wife to develop to their personalities and to be enriched with spiritual blessings. For it brings to family life abundant fruits of tranquility and peace. It helps in solving difficulties of other kinds. It fosters in husband and wife thoughtfulness and loving consideration for one another. It helps them to repel inordinate self-love, which is the opposite of charity. It arouses in them a consciousness of their responsibilities'' (Paul VI, Humanae Vitae, 21).

* ''A very valuable witness can and should be given by those husbands and wives who through the joint exercise of periodic continence have reached a more mature personal responsibility with regard to love and life. As Paul VI wrote: ''To them the Lord entrusts the task of making visible to people the holiness and sweetness of the law which unites the mutual love of husband and wife with their cooperation with the love of God, the author of human life'' (John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, 35).

What can spouses do when they don't have children?

In the first place, they can have recourse to medicine in order to try to resolve the problems of the person in a moral manner, respectful of the dignity of the person

They can show their generosity as well as spiritual, social and ecclesial fecundity:

• By adopting children.
• By accepting to take care of them.
• By carrying out important services and voluntary activities in favour of their neighbours.

NB: in order to deepen your understanding of the subject, you may read the following pontifical documents:

* Paul VI, Humanae Vitae, 1968;

* John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, 1981;

* Catechism of the Catholic Church (ccc), nos. 2362-2400;

*Compendium of the ccc, nos. 95-502;