A journey through cancer is harrowing for the mind, body and spirit. Sinead Gould shares her story of how she survived this journey and her gratitude for a second chance at life.

In March 2006 I turned 30, I was engaged and my fiancé Jeff and I had just bought our first home. We had our wedding planned for September and I had everything booked. I began to feel unwell around May and I remember being really tired all the time, but I put it down to just being busy. I had lost a lot of weight, but again I put it down to just being busy because I was getting married. I was having night sweats but I didn't know what they were. Then one day I told my Dad I had felt lumps in my neck and he asked me to go to my GP.

I told my doctor about how tired I was and about the lumps on my neck. She took blood tests and wrote me out sick for a week. The following week she told me she had made an appointment for me to see a consultant in St James's. The consultant did a physical exam and arranged for me to have an x-ray, and she arranged a bed so that I could have a biopsy. I wasn't that worried at that stage, it was the following week while I was waiting for the biopsy results that I first remember looking up the Irish Cancer Society website. I wanted to find as much information as possible on cancer and the symptoms. A week later I went for the results of the biopsy. I really only became afraid then. I knew my Mam was bringing me, but my Dad came too and Jeff was taking a couple of hours off to come into James's as well. This worried me because it made me realise that they were worried, so maybe I should be too.

Questions

The consultant told us that I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I remember the first thing I asked was would my hair fall out, and the second thing I asked was would I still be able to get married in September.

I was to have six cycles of chemo, and a pet scan midway to check if the chemo was working. I established a routine around my chemo days, my Mam or Dad usually would bring me for my chemo, sometimes Jeff would take time off work to bring me, a lot of the time was spent sleeping and reading. The chemo itself was not painful and luckily I'm not afraid of needles. Towards the end of the chemo though my veins became damaged and the needles hurt more. Everyday I took my drugs in the morning - there are drugs for everything you can think of, nausea, constipation, muscle pain, steroids - you could take drugs for the side effects, but in turn all those drugs had side effects.

Hair fell out

My hair fell out quite soon after the first cycle and I found this very difficult to deal with. Before I was sick I wouldn't go to work without my hair done. Now I had no hair at all and it made me very aware of how much I cared about how I looked. The steroids made my face very bloated and I didn't look like myself.

Time passed quickly. On a good day I would have energy and not feel tired or sick. I could visit my sister or go out with my mam for a drive, on a bad day I wouldn't be able to get out of bed and Jeff would have to carry me down the stairs.

In the middle of my chemo cycles the night sweats returned and my nurses told me they were hot flushes, and that my chemo had brought on an early menopause. This was very upsetting. I already felt old because to me having cancer was what happened to older people, so when I went into the menopause I was very upset, but my nurses explained that it may not be permanent and that I had a good chance of coming out of it again because I was young.

From September onwards it got much tougher for me, each round of chemo had left me weaker and I think that knowing it was getting progressively worse made me more afraid.

Lung infection

In October I came in for my last round of chemo, but it was put on hold as I had developed a lung infection. I was admitted to James's and kept in for 10 days. Once my infection had cleared I was given my final round of chemo. I was given the all clear on December 14, 2006. This was the best result we could have hoped for, and Jeff and I were able to start planning our wedding. I went on holidays with my Mam and my sisters, and I started thinking about returning to work.

However I had underestimated the impact that the chemo had on my body. I was very weak and got tired very easily. I still had to take things very slowly and I found this frustrating. Also I had not considered the impact that having cancer would have on me mentally. Once I got the all clear and started to try to move on, I faced what was the hardest part for me.

Common reaction

I became depressed and I was diagnosed with depression in the Spring of 2007. I was feeling angry. I was in shock. I felt I wanted to do everything at once and quickly. I felt old and I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I may not be able to have children as we had been told that my fertility would be affected by my chemo. I was fighting with my family and friends, and my relationship with Jeff was under huge strain. I wanted to escape what had happened to me. Luckily my nurses had broached this subject with me during my chemo, they had explained it was a common reaction to a serious illness, so I recognised what was happening and I was able to take action. I saw a psychologist and a psychiatrist for about a year, and thankfully have been okay since.

Today I am still tired but for a different reason. I have a beautiful baby girl Emily, who is keeping her Mam and Dad very busy but very happy. Myself and Jeff got married in November 2007 and Emily was born in July last year. She is a very lucky girl to be here, as I am very lucky to be here. And it's truly because of the doctors, the nurses, my friends and my family. I know how lucky I am and that not everyone is as lucky as I am.

When I was sick everyone that I met used to tell me I was lucky that I was so young and able to fight it. I was lucky that I had caught it in time. Lucky that it was Hodgkins I had gotten and not another type. That used to make me feel very sorry for myself because I didn't feel lucky at all, but now I can see they were right and I was lucky, and I am very grateful for that.

The Irish Cancer Society's Daffodil Day 2010 will be on Friday, March 26. They operate a free confidential advice on all aspects of cancer. Freefone 1800 200 700 Email: helpline@irish cancer.ie