I recently wrote about a leaflet that was distributed by the Crisis Pregnancy Agency which focused on talking to your child about relationships and sexuality. As Catholics, we sometimes point out the shortcomings and failures of certain programmes or approaches.
However, we must be able to recommend and utilise resources that are more useful in promoting Christian views. A friend of mine recently recommended a book by Angela Macnamara, Ready Steady Grow! Published by Veritas it's described as 'Christian Relationship and Sexuality Education for Primary School Girls and Boys'.
It's summarised on the blurb as a guide which shares information and values to help young people to be 'ready' for the exciting ongoing period of growing up. It explains that young people need support and understanding which helps them feel more 'steady' as they progress along this ''fascinating route''.
Finally, it's pointed out that as young people 'grow' they change and how it's important not to shut people out because of some passing misunderstanding, superficial reaction or possibly because of shyness or awkwardness.
I was impressed with the book's focus on communication which was aptly described as ''the process by which we dare to share ourselves with one another''.
By accepting others and afirming their value, we're not only giving them reassurance, we're also opening up new possibilities for them and helping them to explore new depths. A quote from Mother Teresa of Calcutta in the book's summary says that ''God does not ask us to succeed but he simply asks us to try.'' Our aim when educating children isn't to achieve perfection, but with God as the focus of our efforts, our message will be firmly centred on Christian love and the values of the Gospel.
Detailed
Angela Macnamara's book has detailed information on the physical and emotional aspects of sexual development. I liked her approach and the easy way in which she managed to intermingle the facts with positive aspects of Christian teaching. In Chapter Two - ''What is Life For?'', she gives a lovely description of a Christian as a person who believes that ''life is the testing time during which we freely choose to work our way closer to God, contributing our very best to keep the world as beautiful as God made it''.
She quotes from St Teresa of Avila that Christ has no hands or feet but ours. This book talks of challenges and God's great and unending love for each of us. In life we are often judged by outward appearances, but only God can truly judge what's in our hearts. Many books dealing with topics around relationships and sexuality make the mistake of stressing the biological aspects, portraying human beings as just another branch of the animal kingdom.
At odds
This is at odds with the Christian message which sees each person as being created in the image and likeness of God. Other books are the opposite extreme and are too circumspect. Parents want to know exactly how to answer the typical questions that are being posed by their children. Ready, Steady, Grow! seems to get the balance right. It talks about the importance of friendship and how it's good to have lots of casual friendships with both boys and girls. There's a lot of pressure on young people to be in a relationship but this book discusses the value and benefits of forming deep friendships without the need to 'go out' together.
Angela Macnamara's clever imparting of information deals with practical topics such as mood swings in adolescence, the importance of good manners and details of the changes experienced during puberty.
As well as dealing with the physical aspects of health, hygiene, exercise and good diet, the book tackles sensitive topics like pornography, bullying and child abuse. There's a questions and answers section and I suggest that parents might have a very personal approach as to how they would utilise this section.
I'd recommend the questions as pointers or discussion topics; depending on the maturity of each particular child, a parent may decide to elaborate more or omit particular topics with the intention of revisiting them later.
We're all accustomed to a secular approach to relationship and sexuality education (RSE). This book is different -it doesn't avoid the mention of sin and regularly brings up moral issues such as abortion, contraception and IVF.
Some parents may not be completely happy about how all topics are dealt with, but I view this book in terms of a framework to build on. It's not the complete moral teaching on any one issue, but is more a set of guidlines and a starting point for further education and communication.
Different topics
However, as a stand-alone source of information and guidance, this little book manages to cover an amazing number of different topics. It even goes on to give details on the days following conception and the early days and weeks of a baby's development in the womb.
How many RSE programmes emphasise the wonderful miracle of new life - most children will be amazed to learn that a baby's heart starts to beat as early as twenty one days into development?
Some sexual education programmes are so focussed on prevention of pregnancy and disease that they omit the joy of creation and new life. Ready, Steady, Grow! is upbeat in pointing out the thrill of seeing one's baby for the first time and the pride and joy of the new parents. In mentioning babies with disabilities, it's refreshing to read Angela Macnamara's description of how a baby with a disability ''draws courage, tenderness and love from people'', often teaching the parents patience, trust, courage and gratitude.
Ready, Steady, Grow! is a useful guide for children from 10 or 11 years onwards or even a little older. It's also very suitable for adults who are trying to help young people in their search for answers on all sorts of issues relevant to their faith, relationships and development. In fact, I wouldn't just hand this book to a child, I'd tailor the information to each child's idividual needs and level of maturity. It balances the excitement and the promise of youth with some of the dangers and advises on how best to navigate a steady course in the context of belief in God and the Catholic faith.
