At the launch of Ireland's first official National Marriage Week, Mags Gargan meets some of the people involved in supporting married couples

''My wife has a wonderful expression - marriages are made in Heaven, but so is thunder and lightning,'' says Paddy Monaghan of Alpha Ireland, capturing the theme of National Marriage Week (Feb 8-14). Alpha is one of 18 Irish Christian organisations dedicated to supporting marriage, who came together last week to celebrate marriage and to show married couples the support that is available to help them when things get stormy.

The new initiative was launched by President Mary McAleese, who is happily married herself for 34 years, in the Dundrum Methodist Church Centre in a room filled with volunteers committed to marriage. The President thanked the volunteers for their investment in the ''abiding power of love'' and said it was fitting that National Marriage Week includes that great ''celebration of romantic love'', St Valentine's Day.

Stresses

''When the chocolates are consumed and the roses wilting, there are 364 other days in the year when the stresses and strains of everyday life can test, stretch and challenge that mutual love'' she said. ''That is where your work has become invaluable in helping couples to make their relationships more resilient, more robust and better able to withstand the many temptations, distractions, worries and pressure of daily life that can come between a couple.''

Marriage may seem like the final destination of a long-term relationship, but really it is the beginning of a new journey according to Stephen Cummins, Director of Marriage Education in Accord.

Accord, an agency of the Irish Catholic Bishops' Conference, is one of the biggest providers of services in support of marriage and family in Ireland, and Stephen addressed the launch of National Marriage Week on the topic of conflict resolution in marriage.

Less conflict

''Conflict is normal - it is an opportunity for growth,'' he tells The Irish Catholic. ''For any couple getting married there is some myth that when they get married there will be less conflict. That is a nice aspiration but the reality is that conflict in relationships is normal. One of the main reasons is that the main protagonists are male and female. For a start that means a difference - not just a male/female difference, but everything else from family of origin to their schools and the people they come in contact with. Some conflicts can be resolved and some have to managed. You agree to disagree or compromise.''

Pat and Susan say their marriage was in ''dire straits'' until they went on a Retrouvaille weekend and rediscovered their love for one another. ''We had lost ways of communicating,'' Pat says. ''We were paralysed in our marriage for a few dreadful years. Our marriage was absolutely terrible. It was a dead marriage. Then we attended the weekend and fell in love again. It was a wonderful thing.''

Retrouvaille offers a live-in weekend and post weekend programme for married couples that have an emphasis on new techniques of communication between husband and wife.

Susan says that the Retrouvaille course changed her way of thinking and her behaviour towards her husband and children. ''It taught me a new way of communicating and that's the key thing, communication.''

Cormac and Sonia from United Marriage Encounter (UME) also stress communication as the foundation of a good marriage, and they learned how to improve and deepen their communication over an UME weekend.

''The weekend is primarily emphasising communication, spending time with each other and really conferring with each other as husband as wife.'' Cormac says. ''We found it gave us great focus in our marriage and great food for thought for ways to progress and strengthen our marriage.''

Sonia says the weekend gives great hope for marriage. ''There is so much deepness and richness to marriage, it was great that the couples shared very openly and honestly about the joys, the struggles and hardships, and through their vulnerability it enabled us to spend time on our own discussing in private our own issues. We felt so blessed that we decided to get involved and run future weekends. There is a follow-up afterwards where we meet just to encourage support and focus on marriage and just to bring God into the centre of marriage, because having God in your marriage is so important.''

Alan and Diane attended an Alpha marriage course which involves seven sessions designed to help married couples build a healthy marriage, and they now facilitate the course themselves. ''We started doing it in our home, taking five or six couples at first,'' Diane says. ''It's very well put together, and it's a great way to help people to come and spend time with each other. There is no group work, that is something we really stress, and we allow people to spend time with each-other.''

Work in progress

Alan says the best investment in today's world is a relationship and ''the best relationships and closest relationships we have is marriage. Yet so often we just wing it when it comes to marriage. I'm still learning. I'm still growing in our marriage. I'm still a work in progress when it comes to Diane!''

A clear message coming from all those involved in National Marriage Week is that a happy marriage is not something that can be taken for granted, it needs care and attention to flourish, but there is myriad help and support available to married couples, and the joy of a happy marriage makes all the effort worthwhile.